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You Might Wear Orange If....
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You think the play The King and I is about Elvis.
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You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.
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Your trolling motor used to be a fan in a barber shop.
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You list "tick removal" as a skill on your resume.
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You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.
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You think The Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and mother.
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You've ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm.
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Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
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Your nicest towels say "Property of Motel 6".
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You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
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The photo on your driver's license includes your dog.
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You think Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
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You've ever walked through your living room and caught your neck on a clothesline.
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Your favorite seafood is hushpuppies.
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You consider anything outside the Lower 48 "overseas".
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Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
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The only cordless phone you have is the one your wife ripped out of the wall when she caught you talking to your girlfriend.
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You've ever watched a tornado from a lawn chair.
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The blood mobile will not visit your trailer park.
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You develop a 1 to 10 warning system for your gas attacks.
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Your local funeral home is also a U-Haul franchise.
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Beer bellies run in your family.
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You have season tickets for the tractor pull.
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Your favorite kind of wine is strawberry.
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Your Uncle Bob died peeing on an electric fence.
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Your mama is banned from the front row at wrestling matches.
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Your daddy has ever said, "You kids run on down to the dump and see what they left."
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You think a "quarter horse" is a ride in front of K-mart.
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You've ever beaten somebody up because they had a library card.
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You have orange road cones in your living room.
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A dating service matches you up with a relative.
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You answer all phone calls with, "The check's in the mail."
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You've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.
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You think the traffic sign "Merge" is a personal challenge.
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Orkin uses your house as a training site.
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Your dentist wanted to exhibit your eyeteeth at a convention.
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You make wind chimes out of frozen orange juice lids.
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You've ever watched the game warden through your scope.
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You think a Rhodes Scholar is someone that just finished trucking school.
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Your grandmother, mother and wife all have kids the same age.
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You made up your social security number.
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You've ever used a laundromat as a mailing address.
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You've seen Walking Tall more than 50 times.
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You're the only one at your ten-year reunion with grandchildren.
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The quality of your birthday present depends on how mama finishes in the wet T-shirt contest.
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